hope everyone had a good valentines day. it's kind of a silly holiday, but how can a day filled with telling people you love them be a bad thing right? i made dinner for my dad and billy, but of course i had to end the night in a bad mood because the food didn't turn out as good as i hoped, and i can't seem to be in a good mood for very long anyhow. it's just a self control thing. it's like my brain freaks out if i'm not crabby or irritated. i honestly think there's something wrong with me. anyways.

billy and i went and saw black swan yesterday (thanks mal again for the free tickets). i was dissapointed. i thought it was pretty fuckin stupid. and my neck hurt from the uncomfortable chairs. but it was nice to get out. i did reaaaally miss the boys though. the whole ride home i just wanted to hurry and give them hugs.

i thought i had more to say. seems that my mind has taken a time out.

i am so tired today. i told my mom that i am too tired to be alive. and that's basically the truth. but i have to be alive so, i'll push forward.

i was looking through this really weird old cookbook thing my mom has. it has recipes and other stuff from the 1800's through like the late 70's. it's so fucking weird. it has this section in the back that's called 'remember when' and it has all this random shit from back in the day. there's a part about brushing your teeth..and it says to use finely sulverized charcoal, or white wood ash..and 'a splintered stick end makes a good brush'..anyways, i thought it was funny. also has a thing about preserving eggs which can keep the eggs fresh FOR YEARS. seriously, who wants to keep eggs around for that long?

i kind of want to cook dinner and stay home with the boys for valentines. but i'm also looking forward to going out. but it seems that whenever i am out without chris and matthew i just miss them too much. regardless of how annoyed i am with them. somehow i always seem to find a way to NOT enjoy going out. not sure why.

anyway. mallory and i are going to make crushed hard candy cookies. hopefully they're good!

thanks for taking the time to read my crap.

i've been thinking a lot lately about how i don't really have anyone to talk to. i feel like i am socially akward or something. it seems like the people in my life, i mean they are wonderful i'm not saying that they aren't, but it's like i don't really have enough in common to be like 'good' friends. i really want some friends that have kids around the same age as mine. it makes a huge difference because honestly people who are single and don't have children do NOT understand how your lives change. it's frustrating.

i go through periods where i don't want to be home and i want to go out and don't care about lounging around or getting sleep..then i have opposite times where i am completely anti-social and don't even want to talk to anyone.

it would just be nice sometimes to feel like i'm important to someone other than my kids and hub. oh well.

Alright well..I'm going to give this a try. Like I said before, I have used livejournal since I was in high school..and it's not cool anymore, not that I really give a shit..but i honestly miss using an online journal soo as long as it can sort of remain drama free then i'll continue. i'm going to just write on here whenever i feel like i have something more important to say.

anyways, i am tired today. i can't wait to go home, put the boys to bed and watch tv with billy till it's time for bed. Chris is just in a diaper only, which is sort of scary because i don't feel like there's enough between his weeny and the rest of the world.

well that's all i'm saying for now. someone pooped..so i gots to go figure out who.

this is new to me. i have been with lj for years. whatever